Select Page

Celebrating The Generalized Mayhem That Is College Football
For A Fiftieth Of A Century


The Chaos Index, Week Seven: It’s Raining On Cats & Dawgs

Well…wasn’t that special? Round three of the Alabama-Clemson series is now officially off (until it’s reinstated in a few weeks). The state of Washington is no longer a factor (until the Apple Cup is proclaimed a national quarterfinal). Gus Malzahn is officially done at Auburn (until he doesn’t lose again before the Iron Bowl). Louisville is officially not breaking through again this year (okay, that one’s still on). Yep, there will be no Tigers, Cougars, Tigers, or Huskies in the national picture for at least one week. Oh, and the Pac-12 is clueless. Why? Read on…

read more

The Chaos Index, Week Six: Sometimes, Chaos Wears A Smiley Face

Chaos doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Chaos can be your bestie, which is exactly what it was this week for our top three. We’ve been harshing on this week’s #1 for years for their annual moment in which they almost slay a dragon only to do a priceless faceplant right before the final whistle. Running the smack down on America’s Youngest Glamour Coach deserves some special recognition. Sadly, the best we can do here is call Iowa State #1 this week, but hey, being #1 beats being #2, which is what LSU figures to be as long as Ed O is hiring million-dollar O.C.’s and then not using their offenses.  

read more

The Chaos Index, Week Five: The SEC Is MIA

It’s the conference that owns college football, having won every national championship this century, not counting the ones that Oklahoma and USC accidentally stumbled into and probably only won because they were cheating better than anyone else. This week, while Alabama’s finest were stomping Mississippi’s “finest” by a combined 115 – 13, one of Alabama’s #FunBelt teams was working LSU in Baton Rouge.  The East looks, uh, not much better.  At least there’s relief – surely, Chip Kelly is on the way! By this point, Chip’s phone (okay, his agent’s phone) is doubtless pockmarked with voicemails from desperate souls, and sure, college football’s most eligible bachelor wants to work in a conference – much less division – that includes Nick Saban. Doesn’t he?

read more

The Chaos Index, Week Four: Chips Are Falling, Where’s Chip Going?

A lonely Athletic Director steps into his cold, autumnlike office on Monday morning and makes the phone call. “Hello, Chip. How’d you like to come to [pick your favorite: Knoxville, Westwood, Lincoln, College Station, Las Vegas, Oxford, Northern Jersey, Baton Rouge, Central BFE] and fix our program? Your Brinks truck is packed and waiting.”

Okay, so Ed O isn’t going to be toast after one year…probably. Also, there’s no one at home in Lincoln to make that call right now. (Though you know damn well that a couple boosters have already made it.) Anyway, if you’ve got a shiny new facility and some donors with mountains of money and more fondness for football than cancer research, you’re currently busy calling college football’s current answer to Urban Meyer before he went to Ohio State. Oh, and if you’re smart, you’re doing it NOW, because there are new suitors lining up everywhere.

read more

The Chaos Index, Week Three: The Second Half Is A Bitch

So many dreams – from UT getting that first signature win of the Tom Herman era to UCLA pulling another comeback to UT finally getting over the hump of the Butch Jones era – all came crashing down in the second half this week. (Though Texas did a pretty good job of f-ing things up right at the end of the first half too.)

The next time you hear somebody talking about “finishing games”, feel free to dial up the lowlights from the third real week of this season for a reminder of exactly what that means. In the meantime, let’s see where the Wheel…Of…Misfortune is spinning most festively right about now.

read more

The Chaos Index, Week Two: Seasons Start To Implode

Remember when Urban Meyer was the GOAT? Remember when Paul Graham used to jump to a new gig every year, kinda like the Larry Brown of college football? Remember when Kevin Sumlin was an offensive mastermind? Remember when Texas wanted to back up the money truck for Jim Mora? Remember when Bret Bielema was gonna fix the Hogs?

Forget it, but don’t forget to come along for the ride as we survey the smoldering wreckage left when college football seasons fall down and go boom.

read more