Celebrating The Generalized Mayhem That Is College Football
For A Fiftieth Of A Century
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Picture this: you’re settling in to watch your beloved [insert one: Trojans, ‘Noles, Badgers, Tigers, or Whoever] prepare to smash another hapless foe. Suddenly, you realize that your beloved [whoever] ARE the hapless foe. Great news: there’s science behind your nightmares! Well, either that, or your coach is a pinhead who can’t recruit or coach ’em up. Anyway, as more disappointments revealed themselves, we “enjoyed” the awfulness of college football coverage a little too much this weekend. That’s probably the reason for the slightly more NSFW nature of this week’s various rants.read more
There it was, one of the best defenses you’ll ever see on display in the Game Of The Year. LSU’s D wasn’t too bad either, considering the circumstances. Would it be completely out of the question if we could just return to the BCS for one year? It’s not as though anyone not wearing purple and orange has a snowball’s chance in Tuscaloosa of making the postseason interesting.read more
We said it last week, and we meant it: if all you’re interested in is “Who’s In?” you’re ready to call this whole thing off and advance directly to Alabama-Clemson IV. Luckily, for those of us who love the sport for the sake of its madness, it’s way too much fun to see Iowa State get the drop on Texas Tech thanks to a safety (on a holding call in the end zone, no less) while the worst program in the Power 5 not named Kansas comes back from a four-touchdown deficit to get over on the nominal leader of the worst division in Power 5 history, the Pac-12 South.read more
We can summarize what we learned from Week 8 of the season thusly: at this point, everything would be simplified if we just stuck Clemson in the SEC East and cancelled the rest of the country.
Now that Ohio State has flamed out, the chances that the B1G has joined the B12 in eating its own are about 99.999%, no? Meanwhile, the Pac-12 has given remarkable new meaning to the term “sucks.” Not that the P12 South is the worst major conference division in the history of life, but UCLA was 0-5 two weeks ago, and is now in a four-way tie in the loss column for first place. While you’re letting that sink in, contemplate the fact that literally a majority of the SEC would win the division – and quite possibly the whole conference – in a walkover.
Instead, they’re just a palooka drinking cheap hooch at the end of the bar in some booze-soaked gin joint on the wrong side of the tracks. Y’know, they used to be somebody. They used to be loved. Now, they’re just barely holding onto that dream that they’ve still got a chance to make it someday. This year’s edition of Palookaville got a whole bunch of new residents this week, along with the usual standards.read more
*In Texas, anyway. So, we opened this season using the words of LL Cool J to mock all the self-entitled programs and fan bases who are just itching to scream, “WE’RE BACK!!!” only to find out that, er, they’re not back. After that barnburner at the State Fair, Texas appears to be back. As to the rest, well, mama still doesn’t need to knock you out – you’re still on the mat. In the meantime, let’s savor the return to glory of the Horns, especially since it’s dang fun to say, “Lil’Jordan.”read more