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Celebrating The Generalized Mayhem That Is College Football
For A Fiftieth Of A Century


The Chaos Index, Week 7: They Coulda Been A Contender

Instead, they’re just a palooka drinking cheap hooch at the end of the bar in some booze-soaked gin joint on the wrong side of the tracks. Y’know, they used to be somebody. They used to be loved. Now, they’re just barely holding onto that dream that they’ve still got a chance to make it someday. This year’s edition of Palookaville got a whole bunch of new residents this week, along with the usual standards.

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The Chaos Index, Week 6: Okay, Call It A Comeback*

*In Texas, anyway. So, we opened this season using the words of LL Cool J to mock all the self-entitled programs and fan bases who are just itching to scream, “WE’RE BACK!!!” only to find out that, er, they’re not back. After that barnburner at the State Fair, Texas appears to be back. As to the rest, well, mama still doesn’t need to knock you out – you’re still on the mat. In the meantime, let’s savor the return to glory of the Horns, especially since it’s dang fun to say, “Lil’Jordan.”

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The Chaos Index, Week 4: Some People Are Taking The Start Of Fall Way Too Literally

Ahh, Fall. The leaves are beginning to turn, there’s a cool snap in the air, the kids are back in school, and your thoughts are turning to what ridiculous getup you’re going to wear for Halloween. Interestingly, this year, way too many football programs are taking the word “Fall” way too literally. Did you seriously expect Nebraska, Florida State and Virginia Tech to take the banana peel route through the first few weeks of the season? Yeah, you expected Tennessee, Arkansas, and UCLA to need a little time, but did you expect them to be this embarrassing? We could go on and on, but why not get to the mockery at hand, where we will, in fact, go on and on.

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The Chaos Index, Week 3: The Ugly Starts Early

Ahh…September. It’s the season of optimism in college football, the time when Dear Old Alma Mater fattens up with wins against weaklings like FCS and Sun Belt programs. It’s especially the time for optimism for those programs who’ve grabbed the hot hire of the off-season, the perfect fit for their program, the hometown hero who was destined to lead the program back to glory, or the can’t miss 18 year-old quarterback who skipped his senior year of high school but previously repeated eighth grade so he could be more physically mature in high school. Boy, has that all turned ugly fast.

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The Chaos Index, Week 2: How ‘Bout Them New Coaches?

They were all hired because things weren’t going so well back at Dear Old U, and they were just so brilliant in their previous jobs. (Well, except for Dana Dimel. We have no idea what UTEP was thinking when they hired him, but then, they’re UTEP.)

Even though patience is a virtue, and we know it’s going to take time to get everything back on track, they’re already taxing our virtue. For example, two games in, the local fishwrapper has declared Willie Taggart’s honeymoon is over in Tallahassee. So, let’s take a look at the absurdities surrounding college bawl, starting with the places where it’s worst.

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