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Is it just me, or are we seeing more major football powers falling to pieces this early in the season than usual? Here’s a crazy idea: let’s add a Bummer Division to this year’s College Football Playoff. The early projections: Florida State vs. USC and Oregon vs. Notre Dame. Congrats on landing two teams in the Bummer Division, Pac-12! It’s two more than you’re going to place in the real deal.

  1. Florida State – Forget the last-second field goal. 400 yards of passing to the ACC’s most mid-pack program? The wheels are definitely coming off, making this an excellent time for Jimbo to reconsider the magic of his old stomping grounds in Baton Rouge.
  2. Iowa – Congrats on totally ruining North Dakota State’s strength of schedule, Hawks. Also, congrats on having that one golden season last year that earned you so many more years of enjoyment of the Kirk Ferentz mehra.
  3. Texas – Three extra points blocked? Plus a field goal? That is some seriously creative chaos y’all are working up this year. So if Charlie’s not going to be fired during the regular season, then… (And again, yours truly believes in Charlie.)
  4. Oregon – Scooping up a good FCS quarterback is not a good long-term gameplan? Who knew? Leading this year’s WTF category are the Ducks who still wear those WTF uniforms while wondering WTF happened to their dynasty. One last question: WTF will Mark Helfrich be doing at this time next year?
  5. TCU – Remember when Gary Patterson’s teams were known for defense?
  6. Notre Dame – Holding the ‘Cuse to 33 points…it’s sorta like having a defense, but not really. Let the Brian Kelly rumors commence!
  7. LSU – Let the Y’all Did That To Les? reckoning begin with just what the Tigers needed: a blowout win against a bad team. As the Cajun nation sweats the thought of hiring the wrong Ole Miss coach, it should rest easy in the knowledge that Tricky Nicky will do to Coach Eaux’s LSU tenure what Jim Mora did to his interim campaign at…
  8. USC – A new quarterback and a new attitude and everthing’s fixed in Troy, right? Don’t look now, but Colorado and Cal look one hell of a lot better than anyone expected and the natives are hoping to sweep up Tom Herman before LSU finds a way to git ‘er done. If you assume more turbulence is ahead, you assume well.
  9. Baylor – Barely sneaking by Iowa State under Jim Grobe? There’s absolutely nothing bad waiting for the Bears after they (hopefully) clear Kansas. Nope, nothing at all.
  10. Stanford – Is Washington that good? Uh, no. Given the way the Cards barely dodged a bullet last week, we shoulda seen this coming. And now, about that quarterback controversy…
  11. Florida – Suddenly, this year’s team looks suspiciously like the Coach Boom teams. Maybe Cam Cameron wasn’t the only Quarterback Whisperer whose game has fallen off.
  12. Tennessee – Another blown lead? Then a second one after going ahead with ten seconds left in the game. Hold on – whaddya mean when you say, “No, that was Georgia that did that?” Oh Vols, you are a near lock to be this year’s Kings Of Happy Chaos.
  13. Fresno State – 45-20 to UNLV? ‘Nuff said. Maybe this is where The Hat should end up.
  14. Rice – The Owls are just far enough off the radar that you kind of remember them as a good, solid midmajor program that’s fun to watch on weekdays, but you don’t really think about them much on Saturdays. At this point in the season, you just kind of assume they’re 2-3 or 3-2. What if I told you they’re currently 0-5? I’m guessing that you, like me, would respond, “Wha happen?”
  15. Oregon State – Getting blown from Corvallis to somewhere in the middle of the North Pacific Ocean Gyre – by Colorado, no less – should have the good people of Corvallis staying away from Reser Stadium in droves.
  16. UConn – Sorry, but U conn’t, and U aren’t going to.
  17. Charlotte – It’s a little early in the television season for reruns, but 52-17 to Old Dominion again begs the questions: why are you here, what do you hope to accomplish, and why don’t you assume the answers aren’t going to be good?
  18. Boston College – And now, let the death spiral from 3-2 to 3-9 begin.
  19. Kansas – Halloween season requires a little carnage, and if you love a good frightfest, you’ll enjoy the next four weeks of the Jayhawks’ schedule, what with TCU, Baylor and both Oklahoma schools seeking to roll up style points while handing out beatdowns.
  20. The Pac-12 – Welcome back to not playing in the playoff, fellas. Now that Stanford’s been obliterated by a Washington team that went to overtime with an Arizona team that was subjected to slow-death-by-ineptitude this week, while Utah just went belly-up on the one yard line, assume that everyone’s ending with at least a couple bad losses.