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There it was, one of the best defenses you’ll ever see on display in the Game Of The Year. LSU’s D wasn’t too bad either, considering the circumstances. Would it be completely out of the question if we could just return to the BCS for one year? It’s not as though anyone not wearing purple and orange has a snowball’s chance in Tuscaloosa of making the postseason interesting.

Two other quick things. First, there’s only one other team we’d pay to see in the postseason right now: Texas. We bash the Horns a lot in these parts, but there’s no more entertaining show in the sport right now than anything that stars the burnt orange. Also, a quick memo to the people who made the Samsung TV spots with the guys with facial hair, Fansville, and Aaron Rodgers alleged agent(s): go back to the drawing board kids. Sure, you thought they were clever. They’re lame. And now, on to this week’s sins against the sport, starting with the serious ones, courtesy of the toxic twins.

  1. Maryland – “It’s never the wrong time to do what’s right.” –Ellis McKennie  “This might be the right time to burn down the entire athletic program and start over.” –Everybody Else
  2. Ohio State – It says a ton that the Bucks are only the second most noxious program in the game. Their current noxious form on the field also says a lot about what Captain Khakis may do to them, which will be amusing to watch.
  3. LSU – Precisely what has changed since The Hat was put out to pasture? Hint: the correct answer is “nothing.” Go get an offense. Oh, and nice field goal try while you were down 22 in the fourth quarter.
  4. The Pac-12 South – At this point, Larry Scott will be lucky not to send a five-loss team to his conference championship game, which really should be moved to local access cable TV.
  5. UCLA – Sadly, that five-loss team will not be the Bruins. You will not see a funnier movie all year than their “effort” against Oregon. At this point, the best move might be to put the Coen brothers in charge of the program.
  6. Louisville – It might be time to dial up Charlie Strong and see how he likes Tampa.
  7. Felony State – It’s one thing to get humiliated by Clemson. It’s quite another to get pantsed by Syracuse and North Carolina State in the same season.
  8. Oklahoma State – Oops.
  9. Florida – If the good people of Gainesville think a three-TD spanking from Missouri is bad, just wait and see what happens when if they lose to Coach Boom this week.
  10. Colorado – Laviska Shenault might be the best player in the country not named Tua, but losing four in a row, including to Oregon State and Arizona is, to put it diplomatically, freaking brutal.
  11. Rutgers – His name is Greg Schiano. You know where to find him (and it ain’t Knoxville). Give him a call.
  12. East Carolina – His name is Ruffin McNeill. You know where to find him. You may as well give him a call, but good luck with that.
  13. North Carolina – His name is Roy Williams. He can’t help you, but we thought y’all would enjoy thinking about basketball for a minute.
  14. Kentucky – Speaking of baskeball schools, if the Cats don’t feel like Charlie Brown right after Lucy yanks the football away, they’re not paying attention.
  15. Kansas – While we’re talking basketball schools, y’know that Pat Benatar song “We Belong?” Well, y’all belong to the Chaos Index. Forever. Now, how about bringing back Charlie Weis?
  16. Penn State – It’s not that James Franklin always loses the big game. It’s that he also loses the kinda big games.
  17. VaTech – And now…a “showdown” with Pitt for the right to be humiliated by Clemson in Charlotte.
  18. USF – Either Louisville’s already dialed up Charlie, and he’s fantasizing about a return to the Power 5, or something’s blown a wire in Tampa the last two weeks.
  19. Oregon State – USC’s running game was so awful, they fired their o-line coach. 332 yards later, either everything is fine, or they just played the Beavs.
  20. Rice – Handing UTEP their first win since the Obama administration is embarrassing. Getting blown off the field 27-3 by halftime? Priceless. Have fun with LSU in two weeks.