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It happens every year. Heading into November, there are way too many undefeated teams, setting off a general panic about how everything will work out. By the time we get to Thanksgiving, we’re debating which one-loss teams are the most worthy. And here we are down to two undefeated teams, one of which is trusty, sturdy, dependable Iowa. So, a hale and hearty salute to this year’s latest Power 5 victims: tOSU and OSU.

Meanwhile, America’s finest conference – y’know, the AAC – continued to eat itself alive as its last unbeaten fell, while the second-rate outfit in the college football heartland kept its playoff dreams alive by scheduling down as far as possible and mostly surviving (if barely).


  1. LSU – From #2 in the country with the unquestioned Heisman winner to completely disabled by rigor mortis all in three weeks. Man, that is one ugly meltdown made even uglier by the local rag’s apparent determination to get The Hat, uh, behatted. To the good people of B.R.: take a deep breath, look at all that talent that’s left you extra early, and then keep in mind that unless you can get your hands on Nick Saban (uh yeah, sure) or Urban Meyer (uh yeah, never), your anger might be better focused on Cam Cameron.
  1. SEC Cupcake Party! – When you’re allegedly the Good Lord’s gift to the game, there’s only one way to prove it: play a bunch of cupcakes late in the year when everybody else is holding serious conference showdowns. After all, you’re plum tuckered out from asserting your majesty all season long, so y’know, take it easy with two FCS teams, two #FunBelt programs, and a C-USA team that isn’t good enough to play in the #FunBelt. Nice job too, guys – going 4-1 with only two games going to OT! Can Tricky Nicky give us that speech about how great Charleston Southern is again?
  1. Florida – Just asking: after they did FAU for 252 yards, how do you think things will go against ‘Bama in a couple weeks? We don’t foresee any problems unless, of course, the game comes down to a kick, offense, or anything else involving a football.
  1. Ohio State – Everybody would love to have Urban Meyer’s quarterback problems! Well, unless the glut of QB’s ends up bogging down all of them. Meanwhile, Zeke and Cardale are leaving Dodge, but only one of them shredded Urbz on his way out the door. Speaking of the best offensive mind in the game today, you don’t imagine that he’s scheming for a way to talk the committee into putting two B1G schools in the playoff, do you?
  1. Georgia – Heads-up to the person doing the scheduling in Athens: if you’re going to book a “cupcake”, make sure they’re really a cupcake. (Frankly, where football is concerned, Georgia Southern should probably be in the SEC instead of, say, Kentucky or Vanderbilt.) Please handle that immediately. Oh, and Mark Richt will send you a thank you telegram from Coral Gables, Blacksburg, or wherever.
  1. Temple – Hmm…maybe Justin Fuente shouldn’t be the hot coaching candidate this December. Maybe Matt Rhule should be. Say Owls, do you think anyone’s noticed? At least you probably don’t have to worry about losing him to Miami.
  1. USC (Parity-Addled Conference Edition) – And so enters another nail into the CH For HC campaign coffin. Not to worry, Trojans, you’ve beaten UCLA as recently as 2011, and Pat Haden has a proven record when it comes to hiring head coaches.
  1. USC (Cupcake Loves Conference Edition) – Sometimes, cupcakes can seal the fate of interim coaches too.
  1. Houston – There goes the biggest bowl game in program history. Worse, even a loss to Navy and that fat new paycheck you just handed him probably won’t keep Tom Herman from heading for greener pastures.
  1. TCU – We realize you’re down a couple quarterbacks, Gary, but in this – the year of way too many freaking injuries – playing two-point roulette over and over is probably not the way to stay in the playoff dogfight. Sorry, a correction: it’s definitely not the way to stay in the dogfight. See you in 2016.
  1. Utah – Speaking of teams that just bid a fond farewell to their dream seasons, last year’s Southern California regional champions only need a win over Colorado to tie for tops in the Pac-12 South. Too bad they’ll lose out on the opportunity to be blasted by Stanford to either UCLA or USC, both of whom beat the Utes. It might be more palatable to lose out to UCLA, since they just might lose out on their head coach to USC.
  1. Georgia Tech – Weren’t y’all supposed to duke it out with Clemson and Felony State for a playoff berth? Oh well, you’re only eight losses away from that perfect dream season.
  1. Missourah – We’re not about to bring up the serious stuff that’s gone on in Columbia this year, and we’re sending good thoughts to Gary Pinkel. However, we will gladly bring up the worst offense in a Power 5 conference, the suspended starting quarterback, and the freshman phenom who took his place and has been, er, less than phenomenal. What a mess.
  1. Boise State – 7-4, Broncos? Really? You’re not getting a little sweaty under the collar about now, are you? We didn’t think so.
  1. Penn State – On that note, how are you doing, Happy Valley? Feeling happy? Pondering what 7-5 is going to feel like while beginning to question whether James Franklin is the wonderful guy everybody thought he was?
  1. Tulane – We like Tulane, but really, that’s only because we like New Orleans. We feel bad for Curtis Johnson, who seems likeable enough, and who will presumably have to leave New Orleans (a city we really like) unless the Saints could use his services again in 2016.
  1. Kansas / UCF – Well guys, it’s down to your rivalry game with [K-State / USF] if you don’t want to spend the rest of your lives living down 0-12. That combined 7-93 score of this week’s games tells us that history has nothing to worry about.
  1. Syracuse – Has anybody noticed that, after starting 3-0 against three underwhelming opponents, the ‘Cuse has laid eight straight giant dog turds? Here’s the real problem: outside of upstate New York, the answer to that question is a resounding no. No one has noticed, and no one cares.
  1. Fresno State – 52-10 to BYU: if not Tim DeRuyter’s coda, it kinda feels like it. We hear June Jones might be headed back to Hawaii. Maybe you should dial Pat Hill’s old phone number and see if it still works.
  1. Oklahoma State – Dang, even if you win Bedlam, y’all is screwed. Well, unless what’s left of TCU or Texas can beat Baylor. So yep, y’all is screwed. Still, congrats on a nice season, and here’s hoping LSU doesn’t come shopping for a head coach in your backyard again.