Can you hear the Chaos Clock ticking down to an exciting weekend filled with exciting ACC “showdowns”? We can too, though we’d pretty much love to see a showdown in any other Power 5 conference. Luckily, there’s a visually appealing palette of chaos available this weekend. Among the highliths:
Miami @ Florida State – It’s sort of like a rivalry, but with more predictable ass kicking than in your standard Battle For The Title Of Kings Of Florida has any right to be. Rest assured that the words “wide right” will have nothing to do with this game. The words “Fire Al Golden” trailing from the back of a crop duster? That’s a different story, isn’t it?
Oklahoma vs. Texas – Two rivalry games in one early October weekend? How awesome is that? It’s a pity neither one of them will be close, isn’t it? Of course, we figured the same thing about the Red River Shootout Rivalry Campus Carry Bowl two years ago, and look how that turned out.
Georgia Tech @ Clemson – Remember when the Jackets had finally arrived as an ACC power? Remember when this was a preview of the ACC Championship Game, a showdown enjoy annually by tens of passionate fans? Well, forget it. Now it’s just one of three trap games the Tigers play before they take on Free Shoes U. for the ACC What-ever-They-Call-That-Division crown.
Georgia @ Tennessee – Can’t you just smell the disappointment in the air? And yet, here’s another festive chance for the Vols to self-destruct! Perhaps the Dawgs should just spot them a 14-point lead, set the clock to, say, 6:30 left in the third quarter, and take it from there.
New Mexico State @ Ole Miss – Not chaos, really. Just a good old fashioned bloodletting at the hands of a squad that presumably has some anger issues that it needs to work out. The Aggies probably have some anger issues to work out at this point too, but they’re going to need to see a therapist to do anything about them.
LSU @ SCAR – Welcome to episode four of the Leonard Fournette Show, in which the college football deities have gallantly provided one more cupcakey delicious defensive offering for The New HerschelBoAdrian before the real fun begins with Florida next weekend. Will this be the weekend #7 – tell us again why he doesn’t wear #4 – finally breaks the LSU single-game rushing record? Only his Hatdresser knows for sure.
Northwestern @ Michigan – Welcome to the No One Saw This Coming Bowl. It’s good ol’ B1G smashmouth football, meaning you’re probably better off reading about it on Sunday than watching it on Saturday.
Portland State @ North Texas – Blah, blah, blah. FCS beats FBS. Blah always noteworthy blah. Blah blah fire Dan McCarney blah.
Cal @ Utah – Sayyyyy…what’s an actual, interesting game doing in here? It’s a battle between formerly unranked schools, one of whose undefeated dream season is going to become a more-disappointing-than-it-should-be one-loss season, that’s what!