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Wow. It’s like 2015 never left us. Sitting right where we left them are college football’s reigning Cajun Kings Of Chaos, and the Crimson Tide are still rolling all over the rest of the sport. The next thing you know Oklahoma will be overrated and Tennessee won’t quite get over the hump.

Whaddya mean that’s already happened? Okay, let’s get down to what laughably passes for business in these parts.

  1. LSU – Just like in the real polls, the preseason #1 made an impressive showing this week. (Of course, impressive is a relative term in these parts.) Say B.R., are you currently regretting the late season lovefest that helped Hat keep his job, or are you just back to sticking needles in your Cam Cameron dolls?
  1. Tennessee – You’re cool, Vols. Michigan went 9-4 in 2007, so you’re on pace for 10-3. Now, about this year’s Florida game…
  1. Oklahoma – The sign hanging over Memorial Stadium reads “Overrated since 2001.” That said, you Sooner fans might want to remember what life was like in the late 20th century and hold your fire on whichever Stoops brother is coaching your team.
  1. Virginia – Mike London isn’t looking so bad now, is he?
  1. Los Angeles (Red) – One of the funniest things of the weekend was USC myopians offering up the wacky notion of the Trojans making “a statement” against ‘Bama. Well, the Men Of Troy made a crystal clear statement in Texas, never mind that thousands of possums make the same statement every day. Things will surely get better in a couple weeks when they see a Stanford team coming off a bye week.
  1. Los Angeles (Blue) – What would y’all rather be extremely disappointed about: God’s gift to quarterbacking – what else would you call The Rosen One? – flaming out to the tune of three picks and a dozen or so missed passes, some of the worst o-line play south of ‘SC’s, or getting pantsed by your old offensive coordinator with the exact play he’d have called in overtime for your old quarterback?
  1. Kentucky – Southern Miss might have gotten up off the mat last year, but considering they were one of three “likely wins” on your schedule, giving the Eagles 44 points at home wasn’t a particularly good look for you, UK. Look on the bright side, Cats: just 37 days until Big Blue Madness!
  1. Northwestern – Okay, so at least one thing’s changed from 2015. Last year, the Wildcats opened the season by screwing up somebody else’s entire year. (Sorry about that Stanford.) This year, they decided to eliminate the middleman and screw up their own year right from the get-go.
  1. Mississippi State – Repeat after me: the game is 60 minutes long. Anyway, y’all best enjoy watching Dak Prescott on TV this Sunday.
  1. Charlotte – Look at it this way, Niners: going down 56-0 after your first half of football this year means that things can only get better from here. Right? Right?!?!?
  1. Missouri – Congratulations on making a Holgo defense look way better than it has any right to while making Drew Lock continue to look way worse than anyone ever expected.
  1. Connecticut – Sneaking past Maine at the wire at home says this year is going to be awfully UConnlike. The good news is that there’s another win on the schedule the third week of October.
  1. Boring College – Here’s an idea: maybe you nice wholesome folks should see if you can just play out the rest of the season on the other side of the pond. European soccer fans are used to amazing low-scoring efforts.
  1. Arkansas – The Hogs have been the “it” team in college football for so long now that we’re losing track of exactly what “it” is. Unless, of course, “it” is just disappointing – kinda like barely rushing for 100 yards at home against Louisiana Tech. That’s kinda unsatisfying, isn’t it?
  1. Washington State – On the bright side, last season started with a loss to an FCS team and ended up pretty good. On the not-so-bright side, this was the year the Cougs hoped to return to the Mike Price era. Rose Bowl contenders don’t flame out against lower division programs. See you next year, Wazzu.
  1. New Mexico State – Four years in, the Aggies still haven’t figured out that a dude who won 35% of his games at Kent State is probably not the right leader for what might be the most consistently awful program in the history of FBS football. Correction: he just might be the perfect leader for the program. Now that Kansas has won a game, you all had best put a beatdown on Idaho or you might really stand out this year.
  1. Iowa State – Speaking of consistently awful, it’s so nice to see that, after four years of .500ish ball, the Cyclones have reverted to form, and here in Chaosland, losing to Northern Iowa is good style points, so big ups for that, fellas.
  1. Temple – Just wondering if Matt Rhule doesn’t regret not jumping ship when he had the chance last offseason. A couple more losses like that, and you won’t have to wonder any more.
  1. Kansas – Congrats on getting David Beaty a win, Hawks. I’m not including you in this in order to trash your program. I’m just concerned about the possibility of overturned cars and looting in Lawrence after the big win. (And sure, it hasn’t happened yet, but everything moves slower in Kansas.) On the other hand, you won’t have to worry about post-victory riots again in 2016.
  1. Everybody Except ‘Bama – Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room. (See what we did there?) Yeah, we’re one week in. You betcha, there’s always some team that gets hot early in the season and then flames out. On the other hand, considering the competition, that was one serious beatdown the Tide put on Southern Cal, particularly when you consider that they really did it in about 30 minutes of game time. Oh, and Jalen Hurts sure looked like the real deal, didn’t he? If you’re not in Tuscaloosa, it just might be time to hit the panic button.